A lot of things have been happening in my life lately that have really got me thinking. Thinking about a lot of different things really. One of the biggest is my family. Me and Marshall. Gosh I love it! One particular conversation with my superfluous nosy neighbor made me realize how much I love it. Upon being openly inquisitive she mentioned that she saw us getting new counter tops delivered and one thing led to another and next thing I knew she was snooping around inside my house looking at said counter tops.**Side note** For some reason, the older I get, the less friendly, less nice, less understanding and more paranoid I get toward strangers. I really wish this would have happened when I was 16.**
So she comes in and I immediately feel like my space is being invaded! Somehow she talks her way up stairs to see the new bathroom and pokes her head in a couple other rooms. I am in the kitchen pacing back and forth, having a heart attach thinking... get out! get out! get out! She finally comes down stairs and proceed to have an extremely awkward conversation about how different our lives/homes are. Only ended by Marshall feeling the awkwardness and offering her and 2 of her kids a cookie. Thank you Marshall. Anywho... after she left it really got me thinking...
We have really been working hard to create a home for ourselves and along the way I am afraid I have not been thinking about having a baby in the house. Have we created a completely un-baby friendly house? Can we be good enough parents to teach them what they can and cannot touch? Is our house going to be a giant NO? Are we going to have to have a maze of baby gates up thus to not destroy what we have created? Was this all selfish? Is it wrong of me not to want kids right away but instead to build a life with Marshall first then add kids to it later? Will I get over having to have things clean all the time? Why am I so unfriendly? Do I care too much about worldly items? Will having a kid change that? Will I still get to buy nice things for myself? Will I want to? Will I feel the need to? Will my body ever be the same after kids? Should I care? Does having a kid un-selfishize you? Is un-selfishize a word? Do I need to change my entire life style? Do I come off a biznatch? Am I over thinking things like i do 90% of the time? Hm...Sunday: Pondering. Doing laundry. Cleaning. Pondering.
Monday: Work. Finish Laundry. Cook.
Tuesday: Date night with Marshall. Dinner and a Netflix.
Wednesday: Every Wednesday is "spa day" at my house. When I get home from work I begin the quest of beauty. I start by removing all of my old nail polish (usually fingers and toes), I then epilate one leg (then the battery dies), I plug in the epilater and hop in the shower for an extra long, exfoliating, relaxing escape (sometimes this is a bath), after which I deep condition my hair and pluck my eyebrows. While my hair is air drying a bit, I epilate the other leg, I then dry my hair, paint my toe nails and last but not least my fingernails. All while watching shows on line, most recently The Big Bang Theory (hilarious). This takes all night. From the time I get home from work to the minute I go to bed (not sticking my feet under the covers in fear of smudging my freshly painted toes).
Thursday: Marshall and I continued our very extensive search for a very specific couch. Our front room is going to be the "gem" of our home. We have decided up front to spare no expense, no matter how long it takes to complete. So, couch hunting, couch hunting. We decide on a range of which we are comfortable spending on a couch because although we say "spare no expense" there is a line that must be drawn, so we look, look, look. Ahh... there she is... How much? Over our price range. Of course, this always happens to me! If i had a catch phrase it would be: "Jennifer, champagne taste with a beer budget". Anyways, okay we found runner up number 2, not as good as the first one but still alright and in our price range. We tell the salesman we will be back after we think about it. So we go home and proceed to the living room where said couches new home will be. Marshall joins me and we think. We think, think, think. I look at Marshall, knowing exactly what he is thinking and I say "why do we always do this? Why don't we just get the one in our price range that will be just fine?" and Marshall looks at me and says (excuse the language) and I quote "because we are spoiled little bitches!" I just look at him, not wanting to believe what he said and go upstairs to bed. About 10 minutes after laying there I say "so we are getting the one we want but shouldn't get?" he rolls over and says "duh".
The moral of this very long story: I have been thinking about kids a lot lately, especially when I see ALL of my friends kids and how cute they are and how good of moms they are and how fun it looks and i have to think extra hard because I know EVERYTHING is going to change once I
pop one out, and although I want kids soon, I love the way we live now. I love taking luxurious vacations, just the 2 of us, I love having the option to buy clothes that cost as much as our car insurance, I like having a spa day every week, I love building a bond with Marshall that will be un-penetrable and although our day will come and children will bless our lives when a week like this one happens it makes me happy to continue to wait for that day to come! I can only have this life style once because once kids come it will be entirely different and with kids always being an option and this opportunity expiring upon acceptance of the kid option I think I will continue to enjoy it for a bit longer. In the mean time, I will just go to the Austin's and play with Dane to fulfill my baby needs. Sorry mom.
3 comments:
Yay! I like this post. You are SO smart for wanting to wait to have a baby, and instead focus on you and Marshall!!! Don't get me wrong, having kids is tops! but this time just the two of you can never be repeated, even after you raise kiddos and they leave you. Enjoy each other -- you have PLENTY of time to have kids.
AND you can definitely have nice things and still have kids -- it's all about what/how you teach them. It's okay to teach your kids to take care of "things."
AND you can definitely have your body back after kids, I promise!
Don't overthink it, just enjoy this time you have to just focus on yourself and each other. Do it now, so that you will WANT to focus on your kids when they come along. You deserve to be selfish now, because you won't be able to be as selfish once you're a mama.
um mama gross... her body is perfect and she had a baby like a day ago. it takes a while, but it'll come back, and you are a tiny woman jen so im sure you'll be fine. Selfish does not go away. You do learn to share though! i still want nice clothes but now i just have to think more about how much of those nice clothes i actually buy. It's good that you think of all these things, because when you do have kids you will be ready. I think that woman who said that to you was stupid. she probably had kids right when she got married, and didn't try to have nice things. If kids grow up with a nice home, and you teach them what is appropriate in your home, they will treat it with respect as long as they have their place to crash/have fun. or at least that's what i think. congrats on making it through my longest post ever!!
I thought they would live with me so WTH, problem solved. I don't remember my password so I guess I'm your anonymous stalker. Mwa ha ha
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